anger – Tell Me Your Story

(unedited)

At least once every day, since January 20, I have uttered the words “What the F—-“, as I listen to the news. Before this year, I tended to be the type of person with my head part way in the sand, when it came to local and world events; that changed as the new Trump era swept in.

In December 2024, I decided that my New Year’s resolution would be to complete one creative project a month. The year ahead looked like it might have many hard changes. At this point, my prediction is coming true, for many of us. The reason for my new year’s intention was this: having something to focus my imagination on, would clear the noise that might be rattling around my head; it has helped somewhat.

As the executive orders were announced, like so many Americans, I became angry. The very first actions I heard were those that directly impacted the LGBTQ+ individuals; it is a clear attack on human rights. One of my children lived as a transgender individual for a five years, before detransitioning. I felt our president was wiping out a population of people with a swipe of his pen; this wasn’t okay. The executive orders kept coming. This was an intentional strategy to “flood the media”. Typically a mild mannered person, my temper was flaring! To help extinguish the flame within me, I worked with real fire to make my first creative project of the year.

Nine days after the beginning of the presidential proclamations, my husband and I went on our planned vacation to Arizona, the time in Sedona took me away from the news. I felt calmer…maybe it was all the healing energy that was within Sonoran Desert? When we arrived in Tucson, for the next leg of our stay, I received a text from a friend with the headline “Rep. Ogles Proposes Amending the 22nd Amendment to Allow Trump to Serve a Third Term”….all the peaceful feelings went away. The next two days, I was in class and discovered the our teacher and at least several of the women (from the first class) were feeling very much like I was. As I focused on my creative workshops, attended the gem and mineral show and enjoyed the surroundings of Tucson with my spouse, the anger dissipated once again. When we left Arizona, I felt ready to face the next step.

A friend invited me to join a group of people who also were not happy with what was happening in our government: this was a safe space to exchange news headlines and share information. Some of the things conveyed, made me look at things through the eyes of others. In the middle February, I attended a protest and no longer felt completely complacent.

In late February, I focused my on the imaginative project of the month; it connected me with a happy memory and good intention. Although I had some respite from the outside world, my torch must have felt some of my energy (if that is possible); it misfired and singed some of my hair. By the end of the month, I was afraid of what was happening in the United States. As a fan of historic fiction and dystopian novels, the thought of of what took place in the past, layered onto what life could become, instilled fear. Doomscrolling added to my anxiety.

Then, at the beginning of March, I understood just how isolated Americans had become from the rest of the world. My fear increased. Every evening, as I watched tv with my husband, time was taken away from the news. For a little while, concern for things happening in the “New America”, were replaced by laughter that came from the shows we were watching. My energy was also centered on learning how to wire wrap a beaded necklace. The matte chakra beads, that had called to me the very first day at the Tucson Gem and mineral show, were what I decided to use for my March project.

The second full week of March (as the markets continued to drop and my worry about the economy started) my husband and I began instruction on how to hand build pottery. During those first three hours of class, my thoughts centered on the way the clay felt in my hands and the piece I was building. My pots might not end up being the most beautiful of objects, but the therapeutic benefits of the process are highly recommended!

The second week of class, I took too long to make my coils. I took them home, along with extra clay, to finish my project. Of the three pieces I made, this is least favored by me; once they are all fired and glazed my opinion might change.

My fear continued to ramp up while listening to the news, yet calm during the later part of the day when my focus was elsewhere. Then, on March 16, the local chapter of INDIVISIBLE had in-person meeting and I attended. Surrounded by other people who are not happy with the things that are happening in this country, made me feel better; something switched inside of me. That same week, my chakra necklace was completed. Now it is the end of March. The path of where we are headed, as a nation, is not clear. I’m still angry and fearful: freedoms seem to be waning and history might be erased, but now I no longer feel alone.