By Vixen Rose (not my real name)
Since little I always lived a very fast life sometimes I wonder if anyone could relate to what I’ve experienced
I was a very weird and quiet kid
curious about the whole world and others
I always got treated as an outcast
My first memory as a kid is seeing the cops outside multiple times
And knowing that my father acted out again I didn’t really understand it at the time
He was abusive and aggressive towards my mom
I’ve seen a lot of violence, guns, and alcohol (he was a alcoholic)
At a really young age I saw things i shouldn’t have
my father would throw things screamed be aggressive towards my mother and me and my brothers ( I have two brothers I’m the middle child)
I saw him fight my older brother once and he tried to fight me as well multiple times
Another traumatic thing that happened
Was seeing my dog get shot in the head by our neighbor because he claimed he bit his son..
I was only 12
And went to school the next day as if nothing happened
later on we found out he’s done it before to somebody else
At 15 I dropped out I hated school I was being bullied
girls wanted to fight me for guys
Guys only wanted to use me and Bully me
I just wanted to feel loved..
being outcasted again
I didn’t understand why
it felt like the world was against me sometimes
So I rebelled
I met my first bf who was abused
We would steal together
I would sneak out to see him or sneak him in
(I got caught multiple times)
And I would even run away and stay at his friends house just to see him
(His mom was a crackhead and almost stabbed him)
So we would all rebel together and run away
A bunch of kids with abusive homes
Wanting to feel loved and cared for
But no home to go to
my bf also abused me mentally and physically
Bad
It still affects till this day of how I view people
I got pregnant at 16
But lost him because I was being abused
That changed me forever
I try not to think about it too much
The abuse went on for years until i decided that enough was enough
I called the cops on him and finally he was gone
I didn’t have any friends so I went on dating apps to meet people
And I met this guy
It was going sooo good
We were talking for 5 months then I started noticing my body was changing
I was pregnant again..
But it was by my abusive ex
I had the worst suicidal thoughts ever
It was a very dark time for me
Memories of his abuse came back
I was having nightmares of him coming back
I had to get a abortion
that also changed me forever
Things changed with him after the whole pregnancy I could tell it scared him a little and later on
On my Birthday he cut things off with me
Something died inside me that night
Again
I felt like the world was against me
Why can’t I just have something good for once?
Everything I loved being taken from me
Years go by I made a lot of friends I lost a lot of friends
I started making music and got a good amount of people listening to it
My pain and suffering
made me make my beautiful art
Art Of freedom
I like to call it
I always wanted to feel free
I moved in with a group of friends into this party house
It became a house show where all the hardcore bands would play at
We had people break our windows
Our house was basically a junkie house
With loud music
Our neighbors were scared of us
A bunch of punk rock kids screaming till the night
I don’t blame them for hating us
We were a mess
People thought we were on drugs
(We weren’t)
We were all just depressed lol
We made history there
In our home area
But traumatic things happened there as well
A lot of disrespect and mental abuse from friends happened
And
Black magic
I have a hard time trusting people because of it
The house was also very haunted so it made it worse
Now I’m 23
Moved out of there
Just got out of another mentally exhausting draining friendship I was living with
Now I’m on my own journey
I almost died 3 times recently
I scare myself sometimes
Mental health is a serious thing
And I want to save others from it
I’m gonna make art
Music
Maybe even write a book
About my experience
Looking for what’s next
In my insane life that I don’t understand sometimes
But it made me stronger
I make music and art and poetry
I feel insane
A good insane
A passionate one
I sometimes feel like I have a calling to do something here
Something big
Something different
I want to change the world
I still feel like an outcast sometimes
I’m still looking for the answers
To understand this feeling
I wonder what’s coming next for me..
(Please be something good now)
I want to save others from the abuse I suffered as no one could save me from it
I hope to be SEEN. HEARD. FELT
I’ll forever continue to rebel against everything I don’t believe is right for us humans until I die
It’s my time
Rebel rebel vixen rose ❤
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