Category: grief, loss, mourning

I Remember

In memory of the victims of PAN AM Flight 103. This was originally written in December 2018 on the 30th anniversary of the Lockerbie Bombing. Today marks the 37th year of this terrorist attack…

I Remember

The fall of my Junior year in college, I left my college in New Jersey to study with Syracuse University in London.  I had applied to the Syracuse program because I needed a change from my college, which had begun feeling small. 

I wanted to spend a year in London, but was afraid I would be homesick.  I fully intended to meet friends from my hometown and travel during Winter break. The Syracuse program gave me the opportunity to extend my stay to a year if I was happy. About two weeks in to my semester in London I decided to stay for the full year.

I loved my time in London.  I cannot put into words what a wonderful and exciting experience it was for all of us who studied there.  We were young, practically still children, full of hopes and dreams. 

30 years ago today the dreams were taken from 35 of my fellow students. The tragedy of Pan Am flight 103 changed all who it touched.  For those people who were connected to the disaster over Lockerbie, Scotland: I remember.

Pictures flow through my mind…

Traveling for the first few days of winter break with my roommate, Deirdre

Leaving London 

Traveling to  Amsterdam, Cologne, Munster, Brugge and Brussels

Arriving at the Brussels train station where Deirdre and I would part ways:

She to a family she knew in Belgium, 

I back to London to meet with friends for Christmas.

Liz, at the train station saying “There has been an accident on one of the planes”

Me stupidly saying “was anyone hurt?”

Being told, “Everyone is dead.”

Darkness fell,

Walking from the Syracuse center after laying flowers on the steps…

Being approached by another student “Sarah, thank God…I did not know your last name, there was another Sarah from our program on flight 103.”

Slowly finding out who I had known:

Ken Bissett, who sat next to me on the flight to London and was supposed to return for spring semester…

Miriam Wolf with her vibrant hair and welcoming personality.

The others: Pamela, from Bowden; Turhan;the Cocker twins…

Feeling guilty that I had not been on the plane.

Lighting candles all over Europe, In remembrance for those that had died. 

Moving through the dark. Finding light.  Letting go of the guilt.

Remembrance

Unedited

In October of this year, there was a short visit to Syracuse, NY. After a several hours of driving that beautiful autumn day, a stretch of my legs was greatly needed. I met with a loved one in the area and went for a stroll. We walked through a beautiful graveyard, as the autumn breeze blew. The golden leaves, of some of the changing trees, moved overhead with the wind. Up and down slopes we traveled and eventually reached Syracuse University campus.

When my youngest moved to the area, I mentioned the desire to one day to visit the memorial for those who were victims of the Pan Am flight 103 bombing in 1988. Having studied abroad with these students, this tragedy was an defining event in my young adult life. As we neared SU, my daughter said to me: “I found the memorial you mentioned wanting to visit”. We walked along the paths of the campus. Eventually, we came upon the tribute that was placed for my classmates.

We stood in silence, me with a little lump in my throat, almost 40 years later this is still hard…

About a week after my child and I viewed the site on University Hill, it was Remembrance Week. She sent me this picture in front of Hendricks Chapel.

Then, a few days later, a friend forwarded me this from instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/syracuseu?igsh=aGthbTEycjR1NTh5&utm_source=qr

Remembrance Week

“Each year in the fall, Syracuse University observes Remembrance Week.  Events are designed by the Remembrance and Lockerbie Scholars, whose goal is to raise campus and community awareness of terrorism and to encourage the entire Syracuse University community to remember the victims of the Pan Am 103 bombing by becoming involved and working to positively impact others.”

–From Syracuse University/Remembrance

https://remembrance.syr.edu/events/

Although it was hard to read the names, the first chair was the worst: I sat next to Kenneth Bissett on the plane to London. Interactions with many of these students are recalled. Yet with the sadness, gratefulness is felt: the SU community continues to remember….

Authors Note: Tomorrow is the 37th anniversary of the Lockerbie Bombing, and once again I will share my story.

I Remember

In memory of the victims of PAN AM Flight 103. This was originally written in December 2018 on the 30th anniversary of the Lockerbie Bombing. Today marks the 36th year of this terrorist attack…

I Remember

The fall of my Junior year in college, I left my college in New Jersey to study with Syracuse University in London.  I had applied to the Syracuse program because I needed a change from my college, which had begun feeling small. 

I wanted to spend a year in London, but was afraid I would be homesick.  I fully intended to meet friends from my hometown and travel during Winter break. The Syracuse program gave me the opportunity to extend my stay to a year if I was happy. About two weeks in to my semester in London I decided to stay for the full year.

I loved my time in London.  I cannot put into words what a wonderful and exciting experience it was for all of us who studied there.  We were young, practically still children, full of hopes and dreams. 

30 years ago today the dreams were taken from 35 of my fellow students. The tragedy of Pan Am flight 103 changed all who it touched.  For those people who were connected to the disaster over Lockerbie, Scotland: I remember.

Pictures flow through my mind…

Traveling for the first few days of winter break with my roommate, Deirdre

Leaving London 

Traveling to  Amsterdam, Cologne, Munster, Brugge and Brussels

Arriving at the Brussels train station where Deirdre and I would part ways:

She to a family she knew in Belgium, 

I back to London to meet with friends for Christmas.

Liz, at the train station saying “There has been an accident on one of the planes”

Me stupidly saying “was anyone hurt?”

Being told, “Everyone is dead.”

Darkness fell,

Walking from the Syracuse center after laying flowers on the steps…

Being approached by another student “Sarah, thank God…I did not know your last name, there was another Sarah from our program on flight 103.”

Slowly finding out who I had known:

Ken Bissett, who sat next to me on the flight to London and was supposed to return for spring semester…

Miriam Wolf with her vibrant hair and welcoming personality.

The others: Pamela, from Bowden; Turhan;the Cocker twins…

Feeling guilty that I had not been on the plane.

Lighting candles all over Europe, In remembrance for those that had died. 

Moving through the dark. Finding light.  Letting go of the guilt.

The Little Things: Prologue

Part 5 of An Unexpected Journey

This past November was a difficult….

On the 10th of the month, we received word that a good family friend from Toronto had passed away. She had been in my life since I was very young and was one of my mother’s closest friends. Our families were (and still are) somewhat intertwined in the history we have with one another. I always considered this wonderful woman and her extended clan a part of my family.

A little more than three weeks after our friend died, it became apparent that we needed to help our beloved dog, Murphy, go over the Rainbow Bridge. He was just a puppy when he became a member of our family in August of 2009.  Murphy had a good life and at 14 1/2, our dog was in extreme pain. Everyone knew it was time to let him go, but I wanted just a little more time with him; this wasn’t meant to be. The day before Thanksgiving, with his family by his side, he took his last breath.

I wasn’t ready for either of these losses. The deaths, on top of other things that were happening, made it difficult for me to find joy. I had momentarily forgotten how to rejoice in the simple moments or find the tranquility in something that might seem insignificant.

The Sunday after Thanksgiving, my youngest daughter and I drove north with my mother. We were headed to Toronto to attend our friend’s funeral. My sister, who arrived the day before, was waiting for us at the hotel when we reached the city. In addition to being sad, I was stressed. The traffic was awful (due to road work as well as a Christmas parade). I was afraid we might not make it to the visitation that afternoon. Luckily, all went according to plan, but I didn’t feel any better.

The next morning, being an early riser, I planned to walk to the nearest Starbucks and arrive when it opened at 6 AM.  Around 5:30, I went down to the lobby with my coat and mittens (my hat having been forgotten at home). Coffee was just being set up. I decided not to go to the coffee house but went for a walk anyway. The fresh air would be good for me. The morning was brisk, about 16°F and a light snow was falling. The city was quiet, the roadwork on Bloor Street had not started up for the day. Despite the torn-up streets, there was something magical that morning. With the shops lit for Christmas and the snow lightly falling in the crisp morning air, I felt a calmness wash over me. I walked about two miles that morning, until my ears were unable to stand the freezing weather. That time outside was more than just a good stretch for my legs: with that walk, I was reminded how I learned to find joy in the little things….

Authors Note: Stay tuned for the next segment of this story: it will be released somewhat like an old-fashioned serial.