Sarah

12 Years

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness month.

Suicide doesn’t discriminate; it touches all people no matter your gender, race or religion. Perhaps at this moment you don’t know anyone who has taken their life. Some day you might…This year there is so much anger and hatred being spread that it seems like many people have forgotten what it means to empathize. Pack away your disdain for one day, check in on those around you. Be humane: show up with kindness and compassion and maybe you will help somebody realize that they can make it through another day.

For the past three years, I have published the following story about the day my dad died, to help bring awareness to suicide. Today marks the 15th anniversary of his death, I am reposting this story as it was written in 2022.

I find irony in the fact that September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This is the month the unimaginable happened to our family. The date will be forever embedded in my memory: Thursday, September 16, 2010.

Twelve Years…. It is hard to believe that so many years have passed since that night. The year that followed is what I call a lost year. What is a lost year? To me, it is a period of time where I am pushed out of my comfortable, benign life to face a hostile, unknowing reality.

I remember that night like it was yesterday. We had sent our youngest child to bed early because she refused to eat her dinner. I felt awful because she cried herself to sleep. As my husband (Greg) and I read a bedtime story to our middle child, the phone rang. We ignored it. The phone stopped ringing and then immediately started to ring again. I said this call must be important, so Greg answered the phone.

The next thing I knew, the phone was being handed to me: “It is your mom”, Greg said, “you need to talk to her”. My mother was on the other end of the line crying, someone from 911 told me that my mother needed to talk to me. Then I heard “Sarah, your father has killed himself”. I told her I would be there as soon as possible.

I threw some clothes into a bag. Greg gave me some cash and asked if I was sure I could make the 1.5 hour drive, to my parents house, by myself. My eldest child asked me what had happened. I said “something is wrong with BopBop, I need to go see Nana.”; it was hard to believe what my mother told me was true. We had just seen my parents the previous Sunday. My father seemed off the day we saw him, but he had a lot weighing on his mind. I just thought my dad was concerned with a heart issue that might impede the upcoming surgery that he had scheduled.

With my bag packed, me partly in shock and denial, I got into the mini van. Driving into the night, a light rain started. On auto pilot the minivan drove, with me behind the wheel. How could my mother be helped before I got to her? Friends, I needed to contact someone who would go to mom. She couldn’t be alone.

Luckily, the hands free cell phone law hadn’t gone into effect. Dialing a number I knew by heart, into my little Nokia push button phone, I called the mother of a good friend of mine and at the same time a good friend of my mother’s. She would know what to do to support my mom. The phone rang for a long while. Finally the answering machine picked up, but this wasn’t the sort of thing to leave on an answering machine. Hanging up, I thought of someone else to call; this time the operator was dialed, because I didn’t know the number. Again, no answer. Old family friends…who could I call? I finally settled on somebody. “Just a friend”, I thought, “that is what she needs”. I called the operator again and another number was dialed for me. Finally, there was a voice on the other end of the line: Bob. I told him what had happened and he said that he and his wife would go right over.

On that long drive in the dark rain, the phone calls went on. There was a call to my sister, who was unreachable at the time. Eventually we spoke. She said she would make the calls to the rest of our extended family: our brother, aunts and uncles. The last call I made was to a close friend who talked to me through part of my drive, but then she had to go. Before she hung up she checked to make sure I was ok. “Yes” was the word that left my mouth, but really was I all right?

When I reached my parents house, there was a police car in the driveway. The lights were flashing in the drizzle like you might see in a movie. Bob was out there waiting for me with an umbrella. He said we needed to go through the front door. For some reason I couldn’t go in the door that I always went in. The door that lead to home: through the hall to the kitchen and then to the family room. I so rarely went through the front door. I didn’t really understand what was happening. Then it occurred to me that not only was Bob a family friend, but he was my parents lawyer. An investigation was underway.

As I was led into the living room, I saw all the friends that I had tried to contact, but had failed to reach. My mother sat on the couch, looking frail. I think she was all cried out at the time. There was a little spray of blood on her sweater and a small spot on her face. These are the things I remember.

The rest of the night is a blur. Anne, the first woman I tried to contact, asked us to come home with her. My mom’s friend and assistant, Sandy, offered to take my dad’s beloved dog to her house, just until my mom got back on her feet. Bob said he would go to my grandmother’s house in the morning to tell her what happened to her eldest child. I told him, “I need to be the one to tell her”. In the end, we agreed that he would pick me up at Anne’s house in the morning and we would go together.

I don’t know how I slept that night. The next morning I did the hardest thing I have ever done in my life: I sat with my almost 95 year old grandmother and told her that my dad, her son, had taken his life. She put her hand on her heart and started to cry. Then she straightened and said “I need to be strong for all of you”. My grandmother, who had lost her middle child to death by suicide 40 some Septembers before this, wanted to be strong for us. She knew how to survive the unbearable.

Anyone who has experienced a tragedy, knows that life can change in the blink of an eye. Our lives were forever changed the night my father ended his. We will never know why my dad chose to do what he did. His death was instantaneous.

I find irony in the fact that September is National Suicide Prevention Month only because of my experience twelve Septembers ago. At the same time I am extremely hopeful that, because of this month, more people are aware of how to help prevent suicide. Remember to support those around you. Be aware that different events may cause someone to consider suicide. Know the the risk factors and warning signs of suicide (https://afsp.org/risk-factors-and-warning-signs). There is also a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, the number is 9-8-8

I hope that sharing my words this September will help you or someone you know realize that it is OK to ask for help or at least help recognize the warning sign that might lead to suicide. Unfortunately, my father didn’t ask for help and we hadn’t recognized the signs that told us he was in distress.

My Year Of Creativity (August 2025)

Unedited

When summer begins (with almost 15 hours of daylight) I always think there is so much time to enjoy the days that lie ahead of me: to see people I haven’t seen since the summer before, or spend time with my loved ones at the cottage. I always expect there will be room in the months I am in Muskoka for endless kayak paddles or swims in the lake, but the moments seem to go by so fast!

In the past, the 8th month marked the beginning of the end of summer. This year however, at the start of August, the time left in this warmest season felt infinite. The month began with warm days and cool nights. With the perfect days, I expected to practice soldering my jewelry work after lunch. Unfortunately, an idea for my creative project was no where in my mind….

One morning as I was walking down the outside stairs from the bunkie, with my AirPods in, there was an on odd noise. Was it the creaking of the stairs? When I reached the bottom stair, the noise intensified. My morning news was muted so that the sound could be determined. The realization hit me: I was hearing a duck! I looked around the corner, and sure enough, there was a lone female mallard quacking in the direction of a loon on the lake. As I positioned my phone to take a picture, she flew off.

The thought of the duck flying away lingered in my mind. An idea formulated: I would use this picture for the back of a bezeled stone; it would add interest to the wearer, but wouldn’t be seen by others. My stone was picked out and a design was made by transforming the mallard picture to something I could use as a template.

While my work was being done, I listened to the news; it was never good. Unfortunately, horrible things were happening in the United States in August and it appeared our democracy had crumbled. Somehow, I felt fairly calm. Was I becoming somewhat numb to the news? Or were the sources where my news was obtained giving me hope and little laughter in the face of darkness? Probably all three of those things were somewhat true and possibly, the summer had worked its magic on me.

Just as it was reported that Trump was going to meet with Putin in Alaska, and Federal troops were going to be activated in D.C., my design started to take shape. The pendant back was cut out and the bezel wire was ready to be soldered on: it was time to use the butane torch.

I had planned to solder the pieces of the bezel cup together, at a table, outside on the deck. Unluckily, the weather changed to reflect some of the hottest temperatures I have ever experienced in our non air conditioned cottage. The temperatures had reached the low 90’s; there was no way I was going to add more heat to my surroundings!

Time, however was spent in and on the lake… away from the news. Just before leaving Muskoka, my sister mentioned that she had paddled into the nearby marsh. I thought it was too overgrown, so my kayak had not taken me that far. On one of those sultry August days, I ventured to the swampy area. As I entered the bay, the Water Lilly’s met me. Paddling on, a beautiful fairyland of Forget Me Not flowers, Lythrum, Pickerelweed, Duckweed and grasses lay ahead of me; it was well worth going out in the heat to explore! Sadly my phone was left at the cottage, so pictures would have to be taken at a later date…

Mid August came all too soon. I had soldered nothing by the time six days were spent away from the cottage! Traveling to upstate New York, my husband and I spent some extra time with our daughters, before moving our youngest to college for her freshman year.

When my husband and I arrived back to Muskoka on August 20th, there was only a week and a half left of my summer at the lake; there was so much I still wanted to do those last days! Yet, the promise (to myself) of one creative project a month had not yet happened.

For two days I tried my best to make a bezel cup, using the cut out pendant back and fine silver bezel wire. The project failed. The fine silver seemed to bend too much and I couldn’t get the wire to sit flat on the backing. My plans had to pivot, but I didn’t want to waste the metal…

A break was taken away from “jeweler’s bench” while the next step was contemplated. During this time, I went paddling to the pretty marsh. Pictures were taken. In the week and a half since I had last been the swampy area, some of the wildflowers had died back, but it was still pretty.

That afternoon, I decided to use the bezel wire (already soldered closed) to encase the stone. My project was no where near finished. Progress was interrupted the next day, as I attended a class to learn how to use resin. The four hour workshop, which was located an hour away from my cottage, was great! We made pendants (or earrings) start to finish: from making and soldering the wire frame, securing the jump ring on the the top and then layering resin and flowers together. I still had the recent kayak trip in my mind, so I chose flowers that reminded me of the marsh.

Driving back to my summer home, after my class, the realization hit me that in one week’s time I would no longer be in Muskoka.

As the sun rose the next day, it danced behind the clouds like fire in the tree tops. There was less than a week left, but the appearance of the “flames” in the sky, ignited my creativity for the following days and I got to work.

Cold weather seeped into Muskoka. I went in the lake once, during that period, for 40 minutes; the water temperature was about 68 degrees. Even for me (a life long swimmer) that was a little cold. Most days it was windy. Due to the wind there were no more moments spent kayaking, but there was time to for artistic pursuits.

One evening, just before it rained, my husband and I went on a boat ride. The clouds were majestic, the kind that always remind me of the summer’s end: fluffy and piled high; some looked like mountains rising above the islands, while others seemed to have heavens light shining from behind.

The final week was busy, but not fraught: my husband and I spent two mornings at nearby farmer’s markets; there were last visits with family and friends; and the promise made to myself, at the New Year, was fulfilled. By the 30th of August, the northern days were noticeably shorter…almost two hours less than when I had arrived. Perhaps I didn’t get to do everything I had wanted to do over the summer, but I was happy to just be there.

8th Month Complete

My Year Of Creativity

January https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/02/01/my-year-of-creativity/

February https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/07/my-year-of-creativity-2/

March https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/30/my-year-of-creativity-march-2025/

April https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/05/18/my-year-of-creativity-april-2025/

May https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/06/06/my-year-of-creativity-may-2025/

June https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/07/11/my-year-of-creativity-june-2025/

July https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/08/08/my-year-of-creativity-july-2025/

My Year Of Creativity (July 2025)

Unedited

In stories previously written by me, before my launch into My Year Of Creativity, there was mention that I spend time each summer in a place called Muskoka; for four generations my family has had a summer home here. Our cottage has a hemlock forest, that mingles with other trees, behind it and borders a lake.

Over the last several summers, the birds that I have heard or seen, seem to resonate with my mood. In the summer of 2019, the Loons, with their mournful cry reached out to the sadness in my soul. Between the summers of 2021-2024, there were many sightings of my favorite bird: The Great Blue Heron; this magnificent bird can stand for long periods, calmly waiting for its prey. Those years, the peaceful patience of those wonderful birds was felt by me as the crises our family had gone through began to settle.

This summer, I have been in Muskoka since mid June. Upon arrival, my mood was full of anger and dismay as the rule of law in the United States seemed to be crumbling. As I started to unload my car, at my northern home, the call of the Raven reached my ears. These birds are extremely intelligent and look somewhat like large crows. They have a call that is not gentle, resembling my state of mind. Have you heard the “grunk” of a Raven? Looking up at the hemlocks in the forest, I took this video so their sound could be recorded.

“This is what my creative project will be for the month of July, I thought: a Raven Pendant”. At the time the recording was being filmed, the realization struck that green beads were also going to be worked with, to reflect the colors in the forest.

In early July, my family came and went in waves. When there was spare time, I worked on my pendant. Despite several mistakes, the pendant was finished in mid July. My Raven looks more like a crow or a blackbird, so another attempt at this bird might be in my future. The necklace took longer. By the end of the month, I could finally feel myself leaning into the land and nature that encompasses Muskoka….

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The Land That Is Muskoka: Through My Lens

Muskoka is located in Ontario, Canada. This part of Ontario is a district municipality, with over 1000 lakes. The lakes and rivers were carved in prehistoric times by retreating glaciers; it is in the southern tip of the Canadian Shield. The land is marked by boulders and bedrock; windswept trees and dense forests; and lakes….so many lakes!

*https://drive.google.com/file/d/1dqpuopoachKJ6eYMK2uHrW_hExtp88e4/view?pli=1*

Just as the natural elements are embedded in the land, I am rooted to Muskoka. My parents met here. I spent the summers of my youth in this beautiful land. By my mid 20’s, I came up for only a week or two each summer. When my youngest child was 7, and I was in my mid-40’s, we started to spend more time in our beloved summer home. During the years my kids were younger, we stayed pretty close to our cottage.

The year the world locked down, we couldn’t cross the border; this was only the second summer in my 50+ year that I hadn’t stepped foot in Muskoka. When the land borders reopened in the summer of 2021, a few members of my family took advantage of the good news and drove to our cottage for what little time was left that summer. Our property had barely been touched for almost two years; it seemed like a fairy land with moss covering the road that lead to our cottage, as well as the path to the beach. I had always loved the beauty a of Muskoka, but it wasn’t until the summer of 2021 that I truly appreciated the grandeur and magnitude of the area.

In the summer of 2022, with my youngest daughter, I explored areas in Muskoka (and beyond) where I had never ventured. The next year, with my husband, there was more travel around the region. During those outings, I gained new insight to the beauty beyond “cottage country”. Please join me in a trip to Muskoka:

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…today is August 8, 2025. I completed my green necklace on July 30th, with the clasp being added August 1st. Although I keep myself apprised of what is happening south of the border, the time I have spent here has provided respite from the anxiousness felt at home. Like the past few summers, there was hope for a summer of wonderful creations made by me; this hasn’t happened. Time has been spent with family and friends, or by the water (as the temperature up here seems to be increasing every summer). There is no current plan for my August project, so we will see what happens.

Seventh Month Complete

My Year Of Creativity

January https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/02/01/my-year-of-creativity/

February https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/07/my-year-of-creativity-2/

March https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/30/my-year-of-creativity-march-2025/

April https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/05/18/my-year-of-creativity-april-2025/

May https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/06/06/my-year-of-creativity-may-2025/

My Year Of Creativity (June 2025)

Unedited

In early June, while the “Big Beautiful Bill” was on the minds of many, I packed in anticipation of leaving for Canada in the middle of the month. While I packed, the audio version of The Things We Cannot Say by Kelly Rimmer, played through my AirPods; this is a fictional story, of a catholic Polish family during World War II and a modern-day family in America. I was immersed in this story; the small pieces of history that were mentioned about the Nazi takeover of Poland reminded me of some of the things happening in the country of my birth.

During this period in June, in the car, I listened to the news: the anti-ICE protests in Los Angeles were taking place; federal guards were sent to LA; and Alex Padilla was forcefully removed from a press conference; this was a pivotal moment in my eyes….

“If federal troops can deploy to Los Angeles against the wishes of the governor, the mayor and even local law enforcement, they can do the same tomorrow in your hometown,”. “This is a fundamental threat to the rule of law nationwide.”

-Senator Padilla

….it felt like our nation was dangerously self-destructing before the eyes of the world.

At night, while still at home, I worked on my only creation for the month: a birthday present for my daughter. This project was planned last fall when attending a small gem and mineral show, where I found Burmese Rubies. Knowing nothing about color and clarity, I purchased them with the intention of making a necklace for my eldest who was turning 25 in July. Rubies are her birth stone. Much of this ornamental chain was made during those for two weeks of June.

On June 14, I attended a No Kings rally. Like the other protests I attended, it was peaceful. The only disturbance were the counter protesters, in their MAGA truck, blowing exhaust into the crowd. This gathering seemed even more important when I learned the “targeted shooting” in Minnesota (broadcasted in the news earlier in the day) killed a lawmaker and a senator.

Three days later I crossed into Canada, at a very empty border. I arrived at my family’s summer lake home on June 17th and was alone on the property for the first time in my life! The week and a half that I was here by myself, was spent unpacking, organizing, and attending to cottage matters.

While I did my work, another audio book began: We Were The Lucky Ones By Georgia Hunter. By chance, this story also took place in Poland during World War II; this was about a Jewish family and at the end of the book I found out it is a true story. Like the previous book, there were things written, that felt familiar to the current situation in the United States. Each tale (one fiction, one fact) told a story of courage, resilience and hope.

My summer routine of walking four miles, almost every day, began the morning after I arrived. Never having been up quite this early, flowers that I didn’t know grew on our property and the surrounding areas were seen; they made me happy:

Swimming wasn’t on the the agenda for the first little while, as the pollen coated the top of the lake around our dock.

My third day at the lake, there were immense rains. The ruby necklace was almost completed the day of the summer downpour, but remained untouched for another week and a half. Each night after working all day, I went to bed too tired to work on the necklace.

Saturday June 23, when I was winding down for the night, my son sent a text to the family “We just bombed Iran. Idk if you heard yet but. Whatever happens happens I guess.” I was worried that the U.S. was going to war, but after a few days it seemed like it was a non-event.

While working on things around the property, I pondered the history of Nazisim. Since I did have some down time, web research was done. I needed a clear understanding on how this regime took over a large part of Europe. AI generated this succinct definition and a simple analysis for me:

Although the circumstances in the United States are different from Nazi Germany, there are many similarities. Read the AI synopsis carefully and see if you can make comparisons.

By my second week in Canada, the idea for Alligator Alcatraz, in my home country, was announced: “an immigration detention center with cages”. The facility was to be located on the edge of the Everglades, not in the national park, but with the same untamed surroundings. If for some reason, you have not been paying attention to the news, you can learn more by clicking this link:

https://www.npr.org/2025/06/24/nx-s1-5443268/alligator-alcatraz-florida-everglades-migrant-detention-center

The national park itself has vast beauty and wildlife amid the sea of grass…

Pictures taken during a trip in 2023 to The Everglades National Park

…but it isn’t a place for people to live.

As friends and family began to trickle into cottage country,over the next week, I was able to express my dismay over the disgusting things our country is doing to people with black and brown skin. Finally in the 20th hour of June 30th, I finished my daughter’s necklace.

My Year Of Creativity

January https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/02/01/my-year-of-creativity/

February https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/07/my-year-of-creativity-2/

March https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/30/my-year-of-creativity-march-2025/

April https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/05/18/my-year-of-creativity-april-2025/

May https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/06/06/my-year-of-creativity-may-2025/

My Year Of Creativity (May 2025)

In early May, my husband and I flew to Northern California. We joined our eldest daughter. She was beginning a new path in life and would be celebrating her 25th birthday this summer; this was an early birthday present from us to her. For 11 full days, we enjoyed the sun and surroundings. I was somewhat (but not completely) tuned out to the state of affairs within our country. The world around me went on, as life should.

Our travels started in vineyards to the north of San Francisco,

Sonoma Valley: Bartholomew Estate Winery

Then we traveled west to the sea,

Day trip to Bodega Bay

On our way back east to the wine country, for one more night, we stopped at a redwood grove:

LandPaths Grove of Old Trees

After three nights in The Sonoma Valley, down the coast we went, through a redwood forest that was devastated by a record breaking number of lightning strikes in 2020.

Big Basin Redwoods State Park

Look at the top of the trees, and compare them to the first redwood grove we visited. This picture shows new growth and resilience in nature.

On we Drove to stay in Carmel-By-The-Sea.

Some early mornings and late afternoons were spent at the nearby Carmel River State Beach:

Day trips were taken from The Carmel River Inn:

Day 1:

Monterey Bay Aquarium and some of the surrounding area:

Day 2:

Harbor seals and other wildlife at Point Lobos State Natural Preserve:

Then the Pacific Coast Highway took us a little farther south to Big Sur:

Day 3:

Our last day staying in Carmel-By-The- Sea we went on a 17 mile drive: Pebble Beach:

Do the Nesting Brandt’s Cormorants live harmoniously with the sea lions? What happens when the eggs hatch, do the sea lions have a tasty snack?

We ended our trip to spend time with my sister and brother-in-law in San Francisco:

In and around San Francisco

**Area of silence at the De Young Art Museum**

Our trip was amazing! However a realization struck me: if I wasn’t paying attention to any news, the state of our country would appear normal….

It wasn’t until the third week in May that I began my creative project for the month. The focus was on a knotted necklace, made a few years back; it was rarely worn, as it was too long for me. I loved the beads: they reminded me of the sea, sand and colors in shells.

The necklace was taken apart to find a new form.

In the afternoons, those last two weeks of May, I worked on a second project. For some reason, I wanted to try my hand at a pelican pendant. While I sawed, soldered, sanded and did other things to transform a piece of silver, the book ‘The Prince of Tides’ played through my AirPods. The book was read years ago. In April, when I began listening to it, there was a need to to listen to something that I was familiar with. The audio book is almost 26 hours long. When I was near the end of fashioning my pendant, just over 2 hours from the end of the book, one of the characters quoted this:

“Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. – That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government…”

Thomas Jefferson

The Declaration Of Independence

This made me take pause. I had forgotten this important piece of history. Scrolling back, these words were listened to again. If I am not mistaken, The Constitution was created to uphold the principles set forth in The Declaration of Independence. The government is changing. As Americans, we should have the right to stop the movement toward a facisist or theocratic nation; after all we are (currently) “The land of the free and home of the brave”…

Emotionally and mentally, I am in a different place than March or April. Maybe almost a month of traveling (back to back trips to Western Maryland, Toronto and California) helped me. My head continues to be kept above the sand: I listen to the news, but not as much. When something is heard that seems over the top, they are fact checked.Two people with an online presence, Heather Cox Richardson and Robert Reich, help break down the news and explain what is happening for me. By the end of May, I was beginning to have hope. The courts, organizations, and people were pushing back against what is happening in our country. I choose to believe that our nation will be as resilient as the trees we saw in the redwood forest…..

Fifth Month Complete

I still need a lot of practice on my silver pieces; especially work on my sanding and polishing

My Year Of Creativity

January https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/02/01/my-year-of-creativity/

February https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/07/my-year-of-creativity-2/

March https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/30/my-year-of-creativity-march-2025/

April https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/05/18/my-year-of-creativity-april-2025/

My Year Of Creativity (April 2025)

April was long, yet at the same time it is hard to believe May is half over. I have been traveling for the better part of a month. No creative project has been started; we’ll see what happens…

On April 1st, I decide to devote my creative work (well most of it) to a color that calms me. A little tranquility was needed because sleep, something I have always taken for granted, had been “shallow” since mid January. I had been struggling with the use of a CPAP machine, having been diagnosed (in late December) with sleep apnea. I am one of those people who has this sleep issue, not because of being overly heavy, but just because I have a small airway. The lack of sleep, in combination with the anxiety and fear that I feel due to what has been taking place in our country, was starting to weigh me down.

Blue, and shades of it, has long been my best-loved color. Although I tend to wear a lot of black, I have always found this color calming. Maybe this is because swimming is one of my favorite activities. Shades of blue can be found in many bodies of water. Where there is water, I can swim. On the very first day I began to devote myself the the immersion of blue: my first fired pot, from pottery class, was painted various hues of my favorite color:

Although I felt peaceful after my class, the ongoing news (of our economy spiraling; public institutions being dismantled; DOGE having their hands on everything; good works being defunded…) was not helping my overall frame of mind. Saturday, April 5, I did two things that helped my mood: the first activity was joining a group that was removing invasive plants in our area; it felt good to be working outside and focusing on something different than politics! The second thing I did was join the “Hands Off Movement”, a peaceful rally in our red county. Just as in February, standing among strangers united for a common cause, I felt empowered. That evening, the necklace I started in March (not blue), was finished.

I think of many of my creations as prototypes; there is always room for improvement. The clasp on this necklace is on the front, and interchangeable closures were made with different beads.

On April 7, my husband suggested we visit the Smithsonian. We hadn’t been in years. When my spouse presented me with this opportunity, I jumped at the chance. In March, the President Of The United States announced an executive order to try and make changes at the Smithsonian Institution; it was important to me to see these places, once again, before the “restoring of Truth and Sanity to American History”. The first museum we visited was the National American Museum of History; this had always been my favorite museum. Then we went to the National Museum Of African American History; the last time we were in Washington, DC, was shortly after it opened, and it was hard to get into. Unfortunately the day was getting late, so we only stayed at the second museum for a short while. As we left D.C. I was overwhelmed by how far we had come as a country and, at the same time, was filled with trepidation that our predecessors mistakes might be covered up.

April 15th, I received my second finished piece from my pottery class:

My plan for my creative project in April, was to immerse myself in learning how to make a bezel from start to finish: soldering bezel wire to a metal base, sawing the form out, filing, sanding and finally setting a blue stone. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any bezel wire.

Instead of jewelry work in the afternoons, I decided to look at a file box my father had kept for me. The early years took me back to first grade; this was the era of “Free To Be You And Me”( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_to_Be…_You_and_Me). I found solace in reliving my younger years. A story was written and published in mid April:

The Dabbler
https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/04/21/the-dabbler/

Many years ago my sister had been on a trip around the world and brought beads back. Then, a few years back, she gave them to me. At night, I worked on a necklace for my eldest sibling. The stones I chose to work with were blue; they were hard to work with as they were chipped stone of different sizes and shapes.

Meanwhile, current events continued to weigh me down. In mid April, I awoke to the news that the president decided to sunset all environmental regulations made in the last 100 years:

Presidential Action

https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/04/zero-based-regulatory-budgeting-to-unleash-american-energy/.

Presidential Action more easily explained

https://www.npr.org/2025/04/17/nx-s1-5366814/endangered-species-act-change-harm-trump-rule

Mentioning this to my husband, he politely told me he wasn’t in the mood to hear any type of political news. Respecting his request, my rant remained silent. In fact, I tried hard not to talk about anything political for almost a week…

The 4th Tuesday in April, during pottery class, I received my finished vase and painted a large pinch pot (see pictures at the bottom of the story):

At the end of that week, we spent two days with our youngest daughter Appalachia. I had barely listened to the news for 5 days. Time was spent in nature and I felt happy and relatively calm.

The day we arrived home from our visit with our daughter, we found out one of our own was touched by DOGE. A job that was a volunteer position, where only a stipend was being paid, was dismantled. I was seeing red! I was angry, but at the same time so sad. Why were good works the target of our new government? What happened to empathy?

I packed for a three day trip to Toronto, the day after the news hit home. While packing, my AirPods played the streaming sit-in of House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries and Sen. Cory Booker. Realizing there were still people who could make a differences, pushing against the destruction of the United States, relieved some of the feelings of the day before…they were making “Good Trouble”.

The last three days of April, I traveled to and from Canada, with one day in between (to attend a remembrance for a family friend who had died). The necklace was finished the night before I left for the memorial service:

The large blue pinch pot made and the stages:

My Year Of Creativity

January https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/02/01/my-year-of-creativity/

February https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/07/my-year-of-creativity-2/

March: https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/30/my-year-of-creativity-march-2025/

“The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand. It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience….. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.”

– Carl Sagan

The Dabbler

Unedited

Last Tuesday, shortly after my three hour pottery class had ended, I found out that it was “World Art Day”. Apparently, every April 15, the fine arts are recognized and awareness of creativity worldwide is promoted. In 2012 The IAA/AIAP and UNESCO started this day of celebration, to coincide with Leonardo da Vinci’s birthday. Finding out that I had unknowingly marked this special day made me happy.

From an early age, I wanted to be an artist: my passion was to do anything creative painting, drawing, sewing… The dream never came to fruition. Dabbling in the arts is what I have done throughout my life. Here is my story:

There was not a great deal of talent when it came to figure drawing, but I didn’t notice or care.

My favorite pastime when I was little, was sewing. I learned to use a needle and thread at a young age. Many hours were spent creating plush animals.

At the age of 12, I made my first earrings by drilling holes in two Canadian dimes with a push drill. Not really know how to insert the drill bit properly, at one point the drill slipped and the bit went through the flesh of my middle finger. I persevered and finished the holes the same evening. They earrings were basic, with some metal ear wires.

I remade these earrings, probably in my early 20’s, they now belong to my youngest daughter.

In college I had no idea what my focus of study should be. Stupidly I chose English as my major, because I loved to read and write, art was my minor because creating had always been a part of who I was.

The studio art classes were my favorite. My sophomore year, I took silk screening. I spent hours in the art studio working on my projects. The process of figuring out what the image was going to be, preparing the screen and using the inks in layers, to create a print, was so much fun!

This was a project for class, I think we needed to choose something from current events, so I chose the AIDS Crises, as there were still so many questions around this disease.

This picture of my print is poor. The words around the figure say this:
Top: Is the blood Supply Really Safe?
Left: Can You Touch Someone Who Has AIDS?
Right: AIDS and “straights”
Bottom: Will you get AIDS from kissing?

At the very bottom:
“‘ THERE ARE NO MORAL OR IMMORAL DISEASES….
ILLNESS IS NOT A PUNISHMENT FOR SIN”
-HA. Katchadourian

I studied in London my junior year of college. The first semester I took a photography class, this was before digital cameras. The pictures were shot in black and white, as part of the class was learned to develop the film.

Here are a few of my photographs:

I became a volunteer with the Jesuit Volunteer corps, late in the summer, after graduating from college. My job was working with young children in a federally funded research project. Apparently, I continued not try my hand at some simplistic renderings …here are some things I found from that year:

I worked for two years as an assistant teacher, then went back to school and received my Master’s Of Education. My course of study specialized in teaching through the arts. The idea of this program was to incorporate art into every aspect of learning. Unfortunately, I found this was hard to do in public education and in most school settings.

I had one great year, teaching Kindergarten at a day care, where I created my whole curriculum and was able to use what I learned in school. The pay was poor, the hours were long, but I enjoyed the work. At the end of the year, I moved to another state.

The year before my kindergarten position, I spent substitute teaching. For a little while, one evening a week was spent at a quilting class. Once again I found myself working with Fiber Art.

Time went by. I focused on teaching, was married and separated with a child on the way. Just before my daughter turned one, I found myself spending hours in my garden while she was with her father. Gardening was therapeutic and I had no desire to go back to teaching, thus landscape design caught my interest. The fall after my only child (at the time) turned one and my divorce was final, I started taking classes that would fulfill my need for creativity and perhaps lead to a future career.

Various projects worked on throughout the class.

I loved the classes, and did well on my projects. Then I learned the hard truth of working as a landscape designer: “You need to be able to sell yourself” and that wasn’t my strong point.

Just after 9/11, the year I took my landscape classes, I met my husband. We were married a little over a year after we met. Life went on and there was little time to think or work on my own creative endeavors. Lack of artistic undertakings didn’t phase me because, despite some hard times, I loved my life and my family.

In 2018 life took us on a roller coaster ride By mid 2019 I found myself needing a creative outlet, and I started working with beads and jewelry once again. Many necklaces were made between 2019 and 2022.

During COVID, along with the beginning of beadwork, I started crocheting a king size blanket; it was finished it late in 2020.

In the fall of 2022, I discovered a jewelry center that offered classes, My first class was a four week class teaching us how to saw, rivet and patina silver nickel. Ee could create a large pendant or key chain. With that class I was hooked!

I have continued to take metal classes and work on jewelry in my own time. For now, wearable art is my creative outlet of choice.

Many different artistic pursuits have been tried over the years. I have never stuck with one long enough to perfect the art form. This is why I call myself a dabbler. Could I call myself an artist if a focus was chosen and continually practiced? Perhaps. Maybe if my newest pursuit continues, in 20 years (at the age of 76), I will allow myself the title.

My Year of Creativity (March 2025)

(unedited)

At least once every day, since January 20, I have uttered the words “What the F—-“, as I listen to the news. Before this year, I tended to be the type of person with my head part way in the sand, when it came to local and world events; that changed as the new Trump era swept in.

In December 2024, I decided that my New Year’s resolution would be to complete one creative project a month. The year ahead looked like it might have many hard changes. At this point, my prediction is coming true, for many of us. The reason for my new year’s intention was this: having something to focus my imagination on, would clear the noise that might be rattling around my head; it has helped somewhat.

As the executive orders were announced, like so many Americans, I became angry. The very first actions I heard were those that directly impacted the LGBTQ+ individuals; it is a clear attack on human rights. One of my children lived as a transgender individual for a five years, before detransitioning. I felt our president was wiping out a population of people with a swipe of his pen; this wasn’t okay. The executive orders kept coming. This was an intentional strategy to “flood the media”. Typically a mild mannered person, my temper was flaring! To help extinguish the flame within me, I worked with real fire to make my first creative project of the year.

Nine days after the beginning of the presidential proclamations, my husband and I went on our planned vacation to Arizona, the time in Sedona took me away from the news. I felt calmer…maybe it was all the healing energy that was within Sonoran Desert? When we arrived in Tucson, for the next leg of our stay, I received a text from a friend with the headline “Rep. Ogles Proposes Amending the 22nd Amendment to Allow Trump to Serve a Third Term”….all the peaceful feelings went away. The next two days, I was in class and discovered the our teacher and at least several of the women (from the first class) were feeling very much like I was. As I focused on my creative workshops, attended the gem and mineral show and enjoyed the surroundings of Tucson with my spouse, the anger dissipated once again. When we left Arizona, I felt ready to face the next step.

A friend invited me to join a group of people who also were not happy with what was happening in our government: this was a safe space to exchange news headlines and share information. Some of the things conveyed, made me look at things through the eyes of others. In the middle February, I attended a protest and no longer felt completely complacent.

In late February, I focused my on the imaginative project of the month; it connected me with a happy memory and good intention. Although I had some respite from the outside world, my torch must have felt some of my energy (if that is possible); it misfired and singed some of my hair. By the end of the month, I was afraid of what was happening in the United States. As a fan of historic fiction and dystopian novels, the thought of of what took place in the past, layered onto what life could become, instilled fear. Doomscrolling added to my anxiety.

Then, at the beginning of March, I understood just how isolated Americans had become from the rest of the world. My fear increased. Every evening, as I watched tv with my husband, time was taken away from the news. For a little while, concern for things happening in the “New America”, were replaced by laughter that came from the shows we were watching. My energy was also centered on learning how to wire wrap a beaded necklace. The matte chakra beads, that had called to me the very first day at the Tucson Gem and mineral show, were what I decided to use for my March project.

The second full week of March (as the markets continued to drop and my worry about the economy started) my husband and I began instruction on how to hand build pottery. During those first three hours of class, my thoughts centered on the way the clay felt in my hands and the piece I was building. My pots might not end up being the most beautiful of objects, but the therapeutic benefits of the process are highly recommended!

The second week of class, I took too long to make my coils. I took them home, along with extra clay, to finish my project. Of the three pieces I made, this is least favored by me; once they are all fired and glazed my opinion might change.

My fear continued to ramp up while listening to the news, yet calm during the later part of the day when my focus was elsewhere. Then, on March 16, the local chapter of INDIVISIBLE had in-person meeting and I attended. Surrounded by other people who are not happy with the things that are happening in this country, made me feel better; something switched inside of me. That same week, my chakra necklace was completed. Now it is the end of March. The path of where we are headed, as a nation, is not clear. I’m still angry and fearful: freedoms seem to be waning and history might be erased, but now I no longer feel alone.

Other creative projects in March

My Year Of Creativity

January https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/02/01/my-year-of-creativity/

February https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/07/my-year-of-creativity-2/

My Year Of Creativity (February 2025)

(unedited)

Well over a year ago, knowing my enjoyment of beading, my husband said to me: “You should go to the Tucson Gem And Mineral Show”. The summer of 2024 came and my spouse asked: “have you looked into the show in Arizona?”. My response was “No, but I will”. After a little research into the largest gem show in the world, I told my other half that it looked overwhelming and it probably wasn’t for me. He was surprised and then said “Aren’t there any jewelry workshops you can take?” I did some more investigating and found that he was right….

At the end of January, my husband and I traveled to Arizona. We spent a few days in Sedona, hiking and touring the high desert. The colors of the ancient red rocks, once under a sea, were breathtaking! Walking through this desert was somewhat like walking into a painting.

When our time in Sedona was over, we drove to Tucson. I spent a day and a half in two workshops, but neither of the things I made could become my creative piece for the month.

The first day was a water casting class. Water casting is a process where metal is melted and cast into a bowl of water, the water essentially freezes the metal to create an organic form. We made “cups”. This process was learned, but so much more was involved: hammering the metal; making a bail (the piece that attaches a pendent to a chain); then soldering everything (including a bezel cup) to the transformed silver shape; lastly, the gemstones were secured.

February 2, 2025: Water Casting

This piece couldn’t be my creative project for the month, as it wasn’t solely my work. I needed to use a bail that the instructor had on hand. My connector was too small; this is something to work on: finding the sweet spot where the chain fits through the loop, yet the bail isn’t too large. The class ran overtime by at least an hour. The last things to place were the gemstones. My bezel work is slow, so I had help to complete the pendent.

The second day, was learning to solder fine chain; this was a shorter class, with the same instructor. I had been looking for a class like this. We learned how to attach a jump ring to a premade chain, by soldering it together without melting everything. Again, this workshop provided much more than just learning the initial process: a hammered circle was made; it was attached to the chain where I had soldered the jump rings, then the circle was fused shut. Finally a bezel cup was joined to the circle and a gemstone was secured as very last step.

February 3, 2025: Soldering Fine Chain

Our workshop went overtime by about an hour or more. Once again, help was needed securing the stone. Since I had some help with this necklace, it also couldn’t be my creative project for the month.

Although the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show was as overwhelming as it looked, I would absolutely go again, if only to participate in some wonderful classes! Attending only one location was my goal. However, my husband and I decided to go to one of the “Big 3” together; it was the 22nd Street Mineral & Fossil Show and well worth the time.

My spouse and I spent a few more days in Tucson, exploring the area and the desert that surrounds it. The Sonoran Desert has a very different landscape from the high desert in Sedona; the colors are mute in comparison, with rugged mountains, and plenty of cacti. The arid landscape is beautiful in its own way.

After over a week away, our time in Arizona came to an end. Once settled back into routine, I wanted to practice my soldering skills and make something special for my daughter’s birthday; it needed to mean something to both of us….

Along with the dinosaur-like bird from my January story ( https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/02/01/my-year-of-creativity/ ), I had two more metal cutouts that sat on my workbench for months. These pieces of metal were from jewelry made last summer (the first being the heron pendant in my last post).

Each time my youngest came home this past fall, she said: “you should make something with those”, referring to the tree and the bird. As I mulled over what to make for her birthday, I realized that the tree was somewhat a symbol of the many adventures we had together.

One of many road trips taken with my youngest child in the summer of 2022. This was on the Georgian Bay in Ontario, Canada. Do you know which tree I used for the wearable art?

For my daughter’s present, a necklace and pendent (both applied with patina) were created. The bail is too big, but eventually it will be fixed.

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”

-Saying attributed to William Edward Hickson

2nd month complete

(The story took longer than anticipated, but the present was finished on February 21st)

My Year Of Creativity (January 2025)

(unedited)

A few years ago, I decided to learn how to work with fine metal to create wearable art. My first teacher told us: “look to nature for inspiration”. Loving to take pictures of the world around me, I took this to heart.

I took a few jewelry classes and found that hammering and sawing are my favorite ways to transform a blank sheet of metal into a story. The procedure of finding the right picture, manipulating it to make my design, and then actually create something with those images, brings me joy (probably after some frustration).

I’m learning, it’s a process….

Over the summer of 2024, I took some tools to my summer home. Our cottage is on a lake, yet surrounded by trees. My torches, that would allow me to solder any metal, stayed at home. I made a few creations, using my photographs. The following is one of those pictures.

“Experience is the name we give to our mistakes.”

-Oscar Wilde

The cut out dinosaur-like bird sat on my work bench for months. I had an idea of what I needed to do to fix it, but didn’t have the nerve; it would require soldering some wire to the silver to fix the beak. I was afraid, because the tendency to melt my metal with the fiery torch is great. In December, I decided that my New Years resolution for 2025 would be to complete at least one creative project each month.

I took an intensive soldering course in January. I made nothing, but learned a lot. The class be me a little more confidence. A week later I got up my nerve and finished the pendent.