Sarah

My Year Of Creativity (May 2025)

In early May, my husband and I flew to Northern California. We joined our eldest daughter. She was beginning a new path in life and would be celebrating her 25th birthday this summer; this was an early birthday present from us to her. For 11 full days, we enjoyed the sun and surroundings. I was somewhat (but not completely) tuned out to the state of affairs within our country. The world around me went on, as life should.

Our travels started in vineyards to the north of San Francisco,

Sonoma Valley: Bartholomew Estate Winery

Then we traveled west to the sea,

Day trip to Bodega Bay

On our way back east to the wine country, for one more night, we stopped at a redwood grove:

LandPaths Grove of Old Trees

After three nights in The Sonoma Valley, down the coast we went, through a redwood forest that was devastated by a record breaking number of lightning strikes in 2020.

Big Basin Redwoods State Park

Look at the top of the trees, and compare them to the first redwood grove we visited. This picture shows new growth and resilience in nature.

On we Drove to stay in Carmel-By-The-Sea.

Some early mornings and late afternoons were spent at the nearby Carmel River State Beach:

Day trips were taken from The Carmel River Inn:

Day 1:

Monterey Bay Aquarium and some of the surrounding area:

Day 2:

Harbor seals and other wildlife at Point Lobos State Natural Preserve:

Then the Pacific Coast Highway took us a little farther south to Big Sur:

Day 3:

Our last day staying in Carmel-By-The- Sea we went on a 17 mile drive: Pebble Beach:

Do the Nesting Brandt’s Cormorants live harmoniously with the sea lions? What happens when the eggs hatch, do the sea lions have a tasty snack?

We ended our trip to spend time with my sister and brother-in-law in San Francisco:

In and around San Francisco

**Area of silence at the De Young Art Museum**

Our trip was amazing! However a realization struck me: if I wasn’t paying attention to any news, the state of our country would appear normal….

It wasn’t until the third week in May that I began my creative project for the month. The focus was on a knotted necklace, made a few years back; it was rarely worn, as it was too long for me. I loved the beads: they reminded me of the sea, sand and colors in shells.

The necklace was taken apart to find a new form.

In the afternoons, those last two weeks of May, I worked on a second project. For some reason, I wanted to try my hand at a pelican pendant. While I sawed, soldered, sanded and did other things to transform a piece of silver, the book ‘The Prince of Tides’ played through my AirPods. The book was read years ago. In April, when I began listening to it, there was a need to to listen to something that I was familiar with. The audio book is almost 26 hours long. When I was near the end of fashioning my pendant, just over 2 hours from the end of the book, one of the characters quoted this:

“Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. – That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government…”

Thomas Jefferson

The Declaration Of Independence

This made me take pause. I had forgotten this important piece of history. Scrolling back, these words were listened to again. If I am not mistaken, The Constitution was created to uphold the principles set forth in The Declaration of Independence. The government is changing. As Americans, we should have the right to stop the movement toward a facisist or theocratic nation; after all we are (currently) “The land of the free and home of the brave”…

Emotionally and mentally, I am in a different place than March or April. Maybe almost a month of traveling (back to back trips to Western Maryland, Toronto and California) helped me. My head continues to be kept above the sand: I listen to the news, but not as much. When something is heard that seems over the top, they are fact checked.Two people with an online presence, Heather Cox Richardson and Robert Reich, help break down the news and explain what is happening for me. By the end of May, I was beginning to have hope. The courts, organizations, and people were pushing back against what is happening in our country. I choose to believe that our nation will be as resilient as the trees we saw in the redwood forest…..

Fifth Month Complete

I still need a lot of practice on my silver pieces; especially work on my sanding and polishing

My Year Of Creativity

January https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/02/01/my-year-of-creativity/

February https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/07/my-year-of-creativity-2/

March https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/30/my-year-of-creativity-march-2025/

April https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/05/18/my-year-of-creativity-april-2025/

My Year Of Creativity (April 2025)

April was long, yet at the same time it is hard to believe May is half over. I have been traveling for the better part of a month. No creative project has been started; we’ll see what happens…

On April 1st, I decide to devote my creative work (well most of it) to a color that calms me. A little tranquility was needed because sleep, something I have always taken for granted, had been “shallow” since mid January. I had been struggling with the use of a CPAP machine, having been diagnosed (in late December) with sleep apnea. I am one of those people who has this sleep issue, not because of being overly heavy, but just because I have a small airway. The lack of sleep, in combination with the anxiety and fear that I feel due to what has been taking place in our country, was starting to weigh me down.

Blue, and shades of it, has long been my best-loved color. Although I tend to wear a lot of black, I have always found this color calming. Maybe this is because swimming is one of my favorite activities. Shades of blue can be found in many bodies of water. Where there is water, I can swim. On the very first day I began to devote myself the the immersion of blue: my first fired pot, from pottery class, was painted various hues of my favorite color:

Although I felt peaceful after my class, the ongoing news (of our economy spiraling; public institutions being dismantled; DOGE having their hands on everything; good works being defunded…) was not helping my overall frame of mind. Saturday, April 5, I did two things that helped my mood: the first activity was joining a group that was removing invasive plants in our area; it felt good to be working outside and focusing on something different than politics! The second thing I did was join the “Hands Off Movement”, a peaceful rally in our red county. Just as in February, standing among strangers united for a common cause, I felt empowered. That evening, the necklace I started in March (not blue), was finished.

I think of many of my creations as prototypes; there is always room for improvement. The clasp on this necklace is on the front, and interchangeable closures were made with different beads.

On April 7, my husband suggested we visit the Smithsonian. We hadn’t been in years. When my spouse presented me with this opportunity, I jumped at the chance. In March, the President Of The United States announced an executive order to try and make changes at the Smithsonian Institution; it was important to me to see these places, once again, before the “restoring of Truth and Sanity to American History”. The first museum we visited was the National American Museum of History; this had always been my favorite museum. Then we went to the National Museum Of African American History; the last time we were in Washington, DC, was shortly after it opened, and it was hard to get into. Unfortunately the day was getting late, so we only stayed at the second museum for a short while. As we left D.C. I was overwhelmed by how far we had come as a country and, at the same time, was filled with trepidation that our predecessors mistakes might be covered up.

April 15th, I received my second finished piece from my pottery class:

My plan for my creative project in April, was to immerse myself in learning how to make a bezel from start to finish: soldering bezel wire to a metal base, sawing the form out, filing, sanding and finally setting a blue stone. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any bezel wire.

Instead of jewelry work in the afternoons, I decided to look at a file box my father had kept for me. The early years took me back to first grade; this was the era of “Free To Be You And Me”( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_to_Be…_You_and_Me). I found solace in reliving my younger years. A story was written and published in mid April:

The Dabbler
https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/04/21/the-dabbler/

Many years ago my sister had been on a trip around the world and brought beads back. Then, a few years back, she gave them to me. At night, I worked on a necklace for my eldest sibling. The stones I chose to work with were blue; they were hard to work with as they were chipped stone of different sizes and shapes.

Meanwhile, current events continued to weigh me down. In mid April, I awoke to the news that the president decided to sunset all environmental regulations made in the last 100 years:

Presidential Action

https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/04/zero-based-regulatory-budgeting-to-unleash-american-energy/.

Presidential Action more easily explained

https://www.npr.org/2025/04/17/nx-s1-5366814/endangered-species-act-change-harm-trump-rule

Mentioning this to my husband, he politely told me he wasn’t in the mood to hear any type of political news. Respecting his request, my rant remained silent. In fact, I tried hard not to talk about anything political for almost a week…

The 4th Tuesday in April, during pottery class, I received my finished vase and painted a large pinch pot (see pictures at the bottom of the story):

At the end of that week, we spent two days with our youngest daughter Appalachia. I had barely listened to the news for 5 days. Time was spent in nature and I felt happy and relatively calm.

The day we arrived home from our visit with our daughter, we found out one of our own was touched by DOGE. A job that was a volunteer position, where only a stipend was being paid, was dismantled. I was seeing red! I was angry, but at the same time so sad. Why were good works the target of our new government? What happened to empathy?

I packed for a three day trip to Toronto, the day after the news hit home. While packing, my AirPods played the streaming sit-in of House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries and Sen. Cory Booker. Realizing there were still people who could make a differences, pushing against the destruction of the United States, relieved some of the feelings of the day before…they were making “Good Trouble”.

The last three days of April, I traveled to and from Canada, with one day in between (to attend a remembrance for a family friend who had died). The necklace was finished the night before I left for the memorial service:

The large blue pinch pot made and the stages:

My Year Of Creativity

January https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/02/01/my-year-of-creativity/

February https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/07/my-year-of-creativity-2/

March: https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/30/my-year-of-creativity-march-2025/

“The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand. It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience….. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.”

– Carl Sagan

The Dabbler

Unedited

Last Tuesday, shortly after my three hour pottery class had ended, I found out that it was “World Art Day”. Apparently, every April 15, the fine arts are recognized and awareness of creativity worldwide is promoted. In 2012 The IAA/AIAP and UNESCO started this day of celebration, to coincide with Leonardo da Vinci’s birthday. Finding out that I had unknowingly marked this special day made me happy.

From an early age, I wanted to be an artist: my passion was to do anything creative painting, drawing, sewing… The dream never came to fruition. Dabbling in the arts is what I have done throughout my life. Here is my story:

There was not a great deal of talent when it came to figure drawing, but I didn’t notice or care.

My favorite pastime when I was little, was sewing. I learned to use a needle and thread at a young age. Many hours were spent creating plush animals.

At the age of 12, I made my first earrings by drilling holes in two Canadian dimes with a push drill. Not really know how to insert the drill bit properly, at one point the drill slipped and the bit went through the flesh of my middle finger. I persevered and finished the holes the same evening. They earrings were basic, with some metal ear wires.

I remade these earrings, probably in my early 20’s, they now belong to my youngest daughter.

In college I had no idea what my focus of study should be. Stupidly I chose English as my major, because I loved to read and write, art was my minor because creating had always been a part of who I was.

The studio art classes were my favorite. My sophomore year, I took silk screening. I spent hours in the art studio working on my projects. The process of figuring out what the image was going to be, preparing the screen and using the inks in layers, to create a print, was so much fun!

This was a project for class, I think we needed to choose something from current events, so I chose the AIDS Crises, as there were still so many questions around this disease.

This picture of my print is poor. The words around the figure say this:
Top: Is the blood Supply Really Safe?
Left: Can You Touch Someone Who Has AIDS?
Right: AIDS and “straights”
Bottom: Will you get AIDS from kissing?

At the very bottom:
“‘ THERE ARE NO MORAL OR IMMORAL DISEASES….
ILLNESS IS NOT A PUNISHMENT FOR SIN”
-HA. Katchadourian

I studied in London my junior year of college. The first semester I took a photography class, this was before digital cameras. The pictures were shot in black and white, as part of the class was learned to develop the film.

Here are a few of my photographs:

I became a volunteer with the Jesuit Volunteer corps, late in the summer, after graduating from college. My job was working with young children in a federally funded research project. Apparently, I continued not try my hand at some simplistic renderings …here are some things I found from that year:

I worked for two years as an assistant teacher, then went back to school and received my Master’s Of Education. My course of study specialized in teaching through the arts. The idea of this program was to incorporate art into every aspect of learning. Unfortunately, I found this was hard to do in public education and in most school settings.

I had one great year, teaching Kindergarten at a day care, where I created my whole curriculum and was able to use what I learned in school. The pay was poor, the hours were long, but I enjoyed the work. At the end of the year, I moved to another state.

The year before my kindergarten position, I spent substitute teaching. For a little while, one evening a week was spent at a quilting class. Once again I found myself working with Fiber Art.

Time went by. I focused on teaching, was married and separated with a child on the way. Just before my daughter turned one, I found myself spending hours in my garden while she was with her father. Gardening was therapeutic and I had no desire to go back to teaching, thus landscape design caught my interest. The fall after my only child (at the time) turned one and my divorce was final, I started taking classes that would fulfill my need for creativity and perhaps lead to a future career.

Various projects worked on throughout the class.

I loved the classes, and did well on my projects. Then I learned the hard truth of working as a landscape designer: “You need to be able to sell yourself” and that wasn’t my strong point.

Just after 9/11, the year I took my landscape classes, I met my husband. We were married a little over a year after we met. Life went on and there was little time to think or work on my own creative endeavors. Lack of artistic undertakings didn’t phase me because, despite some hard times, I loved my life and my family.

In 2018 life took us on a roller coaster ride By mid 2019 I found myself needing a creative outlet, and I started working with beads and jewelry once again. Many necklaces were made between 2019 and 2022.

During COVID, along with the beginning of beadwork, I started crocheting a king size blanket; it was finished it late in 2020.

In the fall of 2022, I discovered a jewelry center that offered classes, My first class was a four week class teaching us how to saw, rivet and patina silver nickel. Ee could create a large pendant or key chain. With that class I was hooked!

I have continued to take metal classes and work on jewelry in my own time. For now, wearable art is my creative outlet of choice.

Many different artistic pursuits have been tried over the years. I have never stuck with one long enough to perfect the art form. This is why I call myself a dabbler. Could I call myself an artist if a focus was chosen and continually practiced? Perhaps. Maybe if my newest pursuit continues, in 20 years (at the age of 76), I will allow myself the title.

My Year of Creativity (March 2025)

(unedited)

At least once every day, since January 20, I have uttered the words “What the F—-“, as I listen to the news. Before this year, I tended to be the type of person with my head part way in the sand, when it came to local and world events; that changed as the new Trump era swept in.

In December 2024, I decided that my New Year’s resolution would be to complete one creative project a month. The year ahead looked like it might have many hard changes. At this point, my prediction is coming true, for many of us. The reason for my new year’s intention was this: having something to focus my imagination on, would clear the noise that might be rattling around my head; it has helped somewhat.

As the executive orders were announced, like so many Americans, I became angry. The very first actions I heard were those that directly impacted the LGBTQ+ individuals; it is a clear attack on human rights. One of my children lived as a transgender individual for a five years, before detransitioning. I felt our president was wiping out a population of people with a swipe of his pen; this wasn’t okay. The executive orders kept coming. This was an intentional strategy to “flood the media”. Typically a mild mannered person, my temper was flaring! To help extinguish the flame within me, I worked with real fire to make my first creative project of the year.

Nine days after the beginning of the presidential proclamations, my husband and I went on our planned vacation to Arizona, the time in Sedona took me away from the news. I felt calmer…maybe it was all the healing energy that was within Sonoran Desert? When we arrived in Tucson, for the next leg of our stay, I received a text from a friend with the headline “Rep. Ogles Proposes Amending the 22nd Amendment to Allow Trump to Serve a Third Term”….all the peaceful feelings went away. The next two days, I was in class and discovered the our teacher and at least several of the women (from the first class) were feeling very much like I was. As I focused on my creative workshops, attended the gem and mineral show and enjoyed the surroundings of Tucson with my spouse, the anger dissipated once again. When we left Arizona, I felt ready to face the next step.

A friend invited me to join a group of people who also were not happy with what was happening in our government: this was a safe space to exchange news headlines and share information. Some of the things conveyed, made me look at things through the eyes of others. In the middle February, I attended a protest and no longer felt completely complacent.

In late February, I focused my on the imaginative project of the month; it connected me with a happy memory and good intention. Although I had some respite from the outside world, my torch must have felt some of my energy (if that is possible); it misfired and singed some of my hair. By the end of the month, I was afraid of what was happening in the United States. As a fan of historic fiction and dystopian novels, the thought of of what took place in the past, layered onto what life could become, instilled fear. Doomscrolling added to my anxiety.

Then, at the beginning of March, I understood just how isolated Americans had become from the rest of the world. My fear increased. Every evening, as I watched tv with my husband, time was taken away from the news. For a little while, concern for things happening in the “New America”, were replaced by laughter that came from the shows we were watching. My energy was also centered on learning how to wire wrap a beaded necklace. The matte chakra beads, that had called to me the very first day at the Tucson Gem and mineral show, were what I decided to use for my March project.

The second full week of March (as the markets continued to drop and my worry about the economy started) my husband and I began instruction on how to hand build pottery. During those first three hours of class, my thoughts centered on the way the clay felt in my hands and the piece I was building. My pots might not end up being the most beautiful of objects, but the therapeutic benefits of the process are highly recommended!

The second week of class, I took too long to make my coils. I took them home, along with extra clay, to finish my project. Of the three pieces I made, this is least favored by me; once they are all fired and glazed my opinion might change.

My fear continued to ramp up while listening to the news, yet calm during the later part of the day when my focus was elsewhere. Then, on March 16, the local chapter of INDIVISIBLE had in-person meeting and I attended. Surrounded by other people who are not happy with the things that are happening in this country, made me feel better; something switched inside of me. That same week, my chakra necklace was completed. Now it is the end of March. The path of where we are headed, as a nation, is not clear. I’m still angry and fearful: freedoms seem to be waning and history might be erased, but now I no longer feel alone.

Other creative projects in March

My Year Of Creativity

January https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/02/01/my-year-of-creativity/

February https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/03/07/my-year-of-creativity-2/

My Year Of Creativity (February 2025)

(unedited)

Well over a year ago, knowing my enjoyment of beading, my husband said to me: “You should go to the Tucson Gem And Mineral Show”. The summer of 2024 came and my spouse asked: “have you looked into the show in Arizona?”. My response was “No, but I will”. After a little research into the largest gem show in the world, I told my other half that it looked overwhelming and it probably wasn’t for me. He was surprised and then said “Aren’t there any jewelry workshops you can take?” I did some more investigating and found that he was right….

At the end of January, my husband and I traveled to Arizona. We spent a few days in Sedona, hiking and touring the high desert. The colors of the ancient red rocks, once under a sea, were breathtaking! Walking through this desert was somewhat like walking into a painting.

When our time in Sedona was over, we drove to Tucson. I spent a day and a half in two workshops, but neither of the things I made could become my creative piece for the month.

The first day was a water casting class. Water casting is a process where metal is melted and cast into a bowl of water, the water essentially freezes the metal to create an organic form. We made “cups”. This process was learned, but so much more was involved: hammering the metal; making a bail (the piece that attaches a pendent to a chain); then soldering everything (including a bezel cup) to the transformed silver shape; lastly, the gemstones were secured.

February 2, 2025: Water Casting

This piece couldn’t be my creative project for the month, as it wasn’t solely my work. I needed to use a bail that the instructor had on hand. My connector was too small; this is something to work on: finding the sweet spot where the chain fits through the loop, yet the bail isn’t too large. The class ran overtime by at least an hour. The last things to place were the gemstones. My bezel work is slow, so I had help to complete the pendent.

The second day, was learning to solder fine chain; this was a shorter class, with the same instructor. I had been looking for a class like this. We learned how to attach a jump ring to a premade chain, by soldering it together without melting everything. Again, this workshop provided much more than just learning the initial process: a hammered circle was made; it was attached to the chain where I had soldered the jump rings, then the circle was fused shut. Finally a bezel cup was joined to the circle and a gemstone was secured as very last step.

February 3, 2025: Soldering Fine Chain

Our workshop went overtime by about an hour or more. Once again, help was needed securing the stone. Since I had some help with this necklace, it also couldn’t be my creative project for the month.

Although the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show was as overwhelming as it looked, I would absolutely go again, if only to participate in some wonderful classes! Attending only one location was my goal. However, my husband and I decided to go to one of the “Big 3” together; it was the 22nd Street Mineral & Fossil Show and well worth the time.

My spouse and I spent a few more days in Tucson, exploring the area and the desert that surrounds it. The Sonoran Desert has a very different landscape from the high desert in Sedona; the colors are mute in comparison, with rugged mountains, and plenty of cacti. The arid landscape is beautiful in its own way.

After over a week away, our time in Arizona came to an end. Once settled back into routine, I wanted to practice my soldering skills and make something special for my daughter’s birthday; it needed to mean something to both of us….

Along with the dinosaur-like bird from my January story ( https://tell-me-your-story.org/2025/02/01/my-year-of-creativity/ ), I had two more metal cutouts that sat on my workbench for months. These pieces of metal were from jewelry made last summer (the first being the heron pendant in my last post).

Each time my youngest came home this past fall, she said: “you should make something with those”, referring to the tree and the bird. As I mulled over what to make for her birthday, I realized that the tree was somewhat a symbol of the many adventures we had together.

One of many road trips taken with my youngest child in the summer of 2022. This was on the Georgian Bay in Ontario, Canada. Do you know which tree I used for the wearable art?

For my daughter’s present, a necklace and pendent (both applied with patina) were created. The bail is too big, but eventually it will be fixed.

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”

-Saying attributed to William Edward Hickson

2nd month complete

(The story took longer than anticipated, but the present was finished on February 21st)

My Year Of Creativity (January 2025)

(unedited)

A few years ago, I decided to learn how to work with fine metal to create wearable art. My first teacher told us: “look to nature for inspiration”. Loving to take pictures of the world around me, I took this to heart.

I took a few jewelry classes and found that hammering and sawing are my favorite ways to transform a blank sheet of metal into a story. The procedure of finding the right picture, manipulating it to make my design, and then actually create something with those images, brings me joy (probably after some frustration).

I’m learning, it’s a process….

Over the summer of 2024, I took some tools to my summer home. Our cottage is on a lake, yet surrounded by trees. My torches, that would allow me to solder any metal, stayed at home. I made a few creations, using my photographs. The following is one of those pictures.

“Experience is the name we give to our mistakes.”

-Oscar Wilde

The cut out dinosaur-like bird sat on my work bench for months. I had an idea of what I needed to do to fix it, but didn’t have the nerve; it would require soldering some wire to the silver to fix the beak. I was afraid, because the tendency to melt my metal with the fiery torch is great. In December, I decided that my New Years resolution for 2025 would be to complete at least one creative project each month.

I took an intensive soldering course in January. I made nothing, but learned a lot. The class be me a little more confidence. A week later I got up my nerve and finished the pendent.

Broken beauty and pain of the rebel

By Vixen Rose (not my real name)

Since little I always lived a very fast life sometimes I wonder if anyone could relate to what I’ve experienced

I was a very weird and quiet kid
curious about the whole world and others
I always got treated as an outcast

My first memory as a kid is seeing the cops outside multiple times
And knowing that my father acted out again I didn’t really understand it at the time

He was abusive and aggressive towards my mom
I’ve seen a lot of violence, guns, and alcohol (he was a alcoholic)
At a really young age I saw things i shouldn’t have

my father would throw things screamed be aggressive towards my mother and me and my brothers ( I have two brothers I’m the middle child)

I saw him fight my older brother once and he tried to fight me as well multiple times

Another traumatic thing that happened
Was seeing my dog get shot in the head by our neighbor because he claimed he bit his son..
I was only 12
And went to school the next day as if nothing happened
later on we found out he’s done it before to somebody else

At 15 I dropped out I hated school I was being bullied
girls wanted to fight me for guys
Guys only wanted to use me and Bully me
I just wanted to feel loved..
being outcasted again
I didn’t understand why
it felt like the world was against me sometimes

So I rebelled
I met my first bf who was abused
We would steal together
I would sneak out to see him or sneak him in
(I got caught multiple times)
And I would even run away and stay at his friends house just to see him
(His mom was a crackhead and almost stabbed him)
So we would all rebel together and run away
A bunch of kids with abusive homes
Wanting to feel loved and cared for
But no home to go to

my bf also abused me mentally and physically
Bad
It still affects till this day of how I view people

I got pregnant at 16
But lost him because I was being abused
That changed me forever
I try not to think about it too much

The abuse went on for years until i decided that enough was enough
I called the cops on him and finally he was gone

I didn’t have any friends so I went on dating apps to meet people
And I met this guy
It was going sooo good

We were talking for 5 months then I started noticing my body was changing
I was pregnant again..
But it was by my abusive ex
I had the worst suicidal thoughts ever
It was a very dark time for me
Memories of his abuse came back
I was having nightmares of him coming back

I had to get a abortion
that also changed me forever

Things changed with him after the whole pregnancy I could tell it scared him a little and later on
On my Birthday he cut things off with me

Something died inside me that night
Again
I felt like the world was against me
Why can’t I just have something good for once?
Everything I loved being taken from me

Years go by I made a lot of friends I lost a lot of friends

I started making music and got a good amount of people listening to it
My pain and suffering
made me make my beautiful art
Art Of freedom
I like to call it
I always wanted to feel free

I moved in with a group of friends into this party house

It became a house show where all the hardcore bands would play at
We had people break our windows
Our house was basically a junkie house
With loud music

Our neighbors were scared of us
A bunch of punk rock kids screaming till the night
I don’t blame them for hating us
We were a mess
People thought we were on drugs
(We weren’t)
We were all just depressed lol
We made history there
In our home area

But traumatic things happened there as well
A lot of disrespect and mental abuse from friends happened
And
Black magic
I have a hard time trusting people because of it
The house was also very haunted so it made it worse

Now I’m 23
Moved out of there
Just got out of another mentally exhausting draining friendship I was living with
Now I’m on my own journey
I almost died 3 times recently
I scare myself sometimes
Mental health is a serious thing
And I want to save others from it
I’m gonna make art
Music
Maybe even write a book
About my experience
Looking for what’s next
In my insane life that I don’t understand sometimes
But it made me stronger
I make music and art and poetry
I feel insane
A good insane
A passionate one
I sometimes feel like I have a calling to do something here
Something big
Something different
I want to change the world
I still feel like an outcast sometimes
I’m still looking for the answers
To understand this feeling
I wonder what’s coming next for me..

(Please be something good now)

I want to save others from the abuse I suffered as no one could save me from it

I hope to be SEEN. HEARD. FELT

I’ll forever continue to rebel against everything I don’t believe is right for us humans until I die

It’s my time

Rebel rebel vixen rose ❤

What Is Your Story?

I have always enjoyed watching people. Sometimes I will look at someone and think “what is your story?”. There are times when I will engage someone in conversation and the person will tell me about part of their journey in life. I love when someone can be unguarded, have no filter, and just share with me. My blog, Tell Me your story, was set up as a space for people to share a true, personal, story.

These days you see the so called “perfect life” of everyone on social media. The reality is that humans are imperfect. We all have stories, not just one story, but many stories. My grandfather, who was married to my grandmother for 62 years, once said to me: “Your Ana loves to tell stories.” ” Usually they are stories I have already heard, but every once in awhile she still surprises me and shares something about herself that I never knew!”

Perhaps I learned to appreciate personal stories because of the ones my grandmother told me throughout my life. Maybe I recognize that true accounts of people’s lives are precious, having grown up with a father who was an anthropologist. Whatever my reason is, I believe that telling your story is important; it can be told in many ways: Is your genre music, and the words you sing your tale? Do you have photographs you have taken that show an account of something you want to share? If you have a hard time writing, but the written word is the way you want for others to hear your story, I can help. How you tell your story is up to you.

Over the last three years, since I started Tell Me Your Story, I have “met” many people. Some have shared their stories with the readers of this blog. Others have reached out and told (only) me their tale. Each person has shared a part of themself with me and I have been touched. Here are some of the stories I have “published” that weren’t my own:

A Northwest Passage https://tell-me-your-story.org/2022/01/26/a-northwest-passage/

Call Me Joye https://tell-me-your-story.org/2022/06/22/call-me-joye/

On The Edge Of Being Homeless https://tell-me-your-story.org/2022/07/16/on-the-edge-of-being-homeless/

Cedar Springs- Joy, Sadness and Death In Dallas https://tell-me-your-story.org/2023/01/19/cedar-springs-joy-sadness-and-death-in-dallas/

Will this be the year you share a small (or large) part of who you are with others? What is your story?

If you would like to submit your story here is the link https://tell-me-your-story.org/contact/

I Remember

In memory of the victims of PAN AM Flight 103. This was originally written in December 2018 on the 30th anniversary of the Lockerbie Bombing. Today marks the 36th year of this terrorist attack…

I Remember

The fall of my Junior year in college, I left my college in New Jersey to study with Syracuse University in London. I had applied to the Syracuse program because I needed a change from my college, which had begun feeling small.

I wanted to spend a year in London, but was afraid I would be homesick. I fully intended to meet friends from my hometown and travel during Winter break. The Syracuse program gave me the opportunity to extend my stay to a year if I was happy. About two weeks in to my semester in London I decided to stay for the full year.

I loved my time in London. I cannot put into words what a wonderful and exciting experience it was for all of us who studied there. We were young, practically still children, full of hopes and dreams.

30 years ago today the dreams were taken from 35 of my fellow students. The tragedy of Pan Am flight 103 changed all who it touched. For those people who were connected to the disaster over Lockerbie, Scotland: I remember.

Pictures flow through my mind…

Traveling for the first few days of winter break with my roommate, Deirdre

Leaving London

Traveling to Amsterdam, Cologne, Munster, Brugge and Brussels

Arriving at the Brussels train station where Deirdre and I would part ways:

She to a family she knew in Belgium,

I back to London to meet with friends for Christmas.

Liz, at the train station saying “There has been an accident on one of the planes”

Me stupidly saying “was anyone hurt?”

Being told, “Everyone is dead.”

Darkness fell,

Walking from the Syracuse center after laying flowers on the steps…

Being approached by another student “Sarah, thank God…I did not know your last name, there was another Sarah from our program on flight 103.”

Slowly finding out who I had known:

Ken Bissett, who sat next to me on the flight to London and was supposed to return for spring semester…

Miriam Wolf with her vibrant hair and welcoming personality.

The others: Pamela, from Bowden; Turhan;the Cocker twins…

Feeling guilty that I had not been on the plane.

Lighting candles all over Europe, In remembrance for those that had died.

Moving through the dark. Finding light. Letting go of the guilt.

The Ever-Changing Road

Finale of The Unexpected Journey

Follow the links at the bottom of this story to read it from the beginning.

This past September, as the summer turned to fall, my husband and I started forging a new path together. When my spouse met me, I was a divorced, single mother with a toddler and two cats. We are now “empty nesters” in the true sense of the word and for the first time in the whole of our relationship: our children have all flown the nest and we have no pets left to care for.

Looking back on the unexpected turn that took place within our family 6 years ago, I realize that this is what it means to be alive. Life in itself is a journey. Some people just have a rockier road to travel, before they find smooth ground. Often there will be great things to see along life’s path and then you hit a bump…

In the summer of 2023, I came across this poem by Becky Hemsley, which I feel describes the journey of life beautifully:

This poem has been shared with permission by Becky Hemsley.
To see more of her work go to
https://www.beckyhemsley.com/about-3

The family member who took us on our unexpected journey was our middle child. For awhile, we had three daughters. However, life is constantly changing. Now, five and a half years later, we have a son again. Bailey is detransitioning back to Bay; it is important to understand that Bay becoming Bailey wasn’t a lie. Our child didn’t become female because it was a “fad”. In 2019 Bay began to identify as female. The way I understand his transition to becoming female is this: The years of extreme depression Bay suffered, contributed to feelings of gender dysphoria; this caused a disconnection from his body. As a coping mechanism he began to identify with the female gender. As was explained in Part 4 of The Unexpected Journey (Summer of Loons), gender is a spectrum. For some months now, Bay has been feeling androgynous to male and this is part of why he is detransitioning. Feminizing hormones were taken by Bay, but he never underwent any gender affirming surgery. His physical detransition won’t be hard.

Over six years have passed since we found out our middle child was depressed with extreme suicidal ideation. Then, five and a half years ago, we were told we had a third daughter. Today, I am a stronger person than I was when Bay took us down this hard road. My life feels full. Our three children, all young adults, are healthy and happy. The “baby”of the family has surprised us by coming home more than we anticipated. However, the house is quiet most of the time. My husband and I have been through so much over our 21 years of marriage. Together, we continue to make our way along the ever-changing road.

To see the other parts of An Unexpected Journey, follow the links:

Part 1: https://tell-me-your-story.org/2022/08/26/the-beginning-an-unexpected-journey-part-2-of-the-summer-that-could-have-been-idyllic/.

Part 2: https://tell-me-your-story.org/2023/02/01/on-thin-ice/

Part 3: https://tell-me-your-story.org/2023/07/13/standing-at-the-edge-of-the-world/

Part 4: https://tell-me-your-story.org/2024/06/29/the-summer-of-the-loons-the-beginning-2/

Part 5: https://tellmeyourstory369820890.wordpress.com/2024/06/30/the-little-things-prologue-2/?preview=true

Part 5, chapter 1 https://tellmeyourstory369820890.wordpress.com/2024/07/01/the-little-things-chapter-1-chasing-joy-2/?preview=true

Part 5, chapter 2 https://tell-me-your-story.org/2024/04/20/i-didnt-break-chapter-of-the-little-things/

Part 5, chapter 3 https://tellmeyourstory369820890.wordpress.com/2024/07/03/dark-days-chapter-3-of-the-little-things-2/?preview=true

Part 5, chapter 4 https://tellmeyourstory369820890.wordpress.com/2024/07/04/then-the-quiet-the-little-things-chapter-4-2/?preview=true

Part 5, chapter 5 The Ground Beneath My Feet: Chapter 5 of The little Things: – Tell Me Your Story